Tuesday, October 30, 2007

Reflections on the English Language

Why the English Language is such a joy to learn.

(1) The bandage was wound around the wound
(2) The farm was used to produce produce
(3) The dump was so full it had to refuse more refuse.
(4) We must polish the Polish furniture.
(5) He could lead if he could get the lead out.
(6) The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.
(7) They were too close to the door to close it.
(8) The insurance was invalid to the invalid.
(9) I did not object to the object.
(10) After a number of injections my jaw got number.

I could go on, lets face it - English is a crazy language.

There is no egg in eggplant, nor ham in hamburg.
English muffins weren't invented in England or french fries in France.
Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet are meat.

We take the English language for granted, but if we explore it's paradoxes,
we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square, and a guinea pig
is neither from Guinea, nor is it a pig.
And why is it the writers write but fingers don't fing?
And if the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth beeth?

Dosen't it seem crazy that you can make amends, but not one amend, that you comd through
annals of history but not a single annal?
If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it?

If a retired teachers taught, did retired preachers praught?
If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?

Sometimes I think all the English speakers should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane.
In what language do people recite a play, and play at a recital?
Ship by truck, and send cargo by ship?
Have noses that run, and feet that smell?
How can a slim chance and fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites?
How can overlook and and oversee be opposites, while quite a lot and quite a few are alike?
How can the weather be hot as hell one day, and cold as hell another?

Or Have you ever noticed that we describe certain things only when they are absent?
A horseless carriage, or a strapless gown.
(Have you ever seen a horseful carriage or a strapful gown?) Or met a sung hero, or experienced equited love?
Have you ever run into someone who was combobulated, gruntled, ruly or peccable?
And where are all those people that ARE spring chickens or who would ACTUALLY hurt a fly?

You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which you fill in a form by filling it out.and an alarm goes off by going on.

English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the creativity of the human race( which, of course is not a race at all).
That is why, when the stars come out, they are visible, but when the lighta are out, they are invisible.
And why, when I wind up my watch it starts
And when I wind up this this essay It ENDS.

Author Unknown

Just some food for thought.
Have a great day


Suzanne said...

Well thanks for the laugh, that was great, and the truth. I had just got home from Dr. Mike's, and I feel some much better, and then went food shopping, got home made coffee and toast, while reading I could smell the toast, got over there and of course Burnt toast, good thing I like them that way.
I am sounding hyper, ok talk later,

Dianne said...

Too funny and you are oh so right, writing this essay.. I always said learning English has to be the hardest and silliest language to learn, most of it makes no sence..

platitudinal said...

Thank you for posting this light hearted commentary on the English language, Tonniece :)

Africantapestry said...

This was such fun to read..I loved it! Thanks for sharing.

juj said...

TOO FUN!! I'm going to pass it on to my sister. She teaches elementary reading. I know she will love it. Thanks for sharing -

Jen said...

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Carol said...

It certainly brought a smile to my face, thank you Tonniece.

Tonniece said...

Thanks everyone.
I thought some levity was in order. Glad you all enjoyed it.